LeBron (Tries to) Get(s) by With (a/very) Little Help From His Friends

With the Miami Heat losing Game 1 of the NBA Finals, I feel as though most people are going to heap large amounts of hate and "He's not clutch," talk on LeBron James. Ok, if you want to be naive about the whole situation and bash him for that, fine. But at least take into account the fact that he has been playing with the equivalent of four high school girls for most of his career. Don't believe me? Read on.

Let's look at some of LeBron's greatest hits, some of his best playoff games and the supporting cast he had to put on his back and carry in those games. We'll analyze LeBron's accompanying starting 4 and their PERs (player efficiency rating, not a perfect stat by any means but one that takes into account most statistical factors including normalized numbers and rates players pretty reasonably in a single statistic) both for that individual season, and their career in order to gain context about whether players were past their prime or not (biggest outlier being Shaq).

Then I'll shoot out the average PER of some elite players' other four starting teammates for their respective great playoff runs.

A Quick Defense of LBJ

Ok, I admit it. I'm a LeBron James sympathizer. I don't know why because I usually don't like "the best" in a sport. Don't like Tiger all that much, hate Federer and Nadal, hate Brady. But after the whole 'Decision' debacle, I looked past the lame intro party the Big Three threw and enjoyed watching the transcendent talent that LBJ displayed on a general, night in, night out basis.

Border Wars Eh(?), Red Hot Red Birds, and Tied Championships: A Crazy Night in Sports from Buffalo Wild Wings and Beyond

I knew it would be a good sports night at BWW for several reasons. One, Terrelle Pryor had just left Ohio State which I enjoyed thoroughly. I won't have to watch people over hype him this year, thank goodness. Second, a girl noticed my Minnesota Gophers hat and we had a nice, short conversation about the Land of 10,000 Lakes. Third, it was Wing Tuesdays. And so it began.

One of the perks of watching an event at BWW, besides the obvious ability to watch several games at once, is that you can see people's reactions and tell if something good or bad happened in a game. I used this to my advantage as I originally had to focus on the US-Canada Gold Cup match and couldn't divert as much of my attention to the Cardinals game as I wanted to, due to soccer's non-stop pace. So I designated the guys sitting next to me, who were enjoying a nice wad of dip throughout the game, as my "Cardinals-o-meter." They were there for the baseball game. Since both of the games got underway at 7:05, I had double action immediately. The NBA Finals weren't on until 8, so the three headed monster wasn't in effect just yet.

As the match began, the waitress took my order, and I began furiously scribbling notes in a spiral notebook I had brought, making me look like quite the nerd in my US Michael Bradley soccer jersey and my Minnesota hat. But if you aren't at BWW to watch sports, why come? The US owned possession in the first half, making runs down the flanks, challenging Canadian defenders and connecting on passing sequences with surprising ease. Obviously, Canada isn't the most talented side, but the confidence the US showed was a good sign and an encouraging beginning to the Gold Cup.

Meanwhile, Berkman went yard on his former team and the Cardinals took a 2-0 lead in the 1st, only to be counter-balanced by a Carlos Lee homer in the bottom of the inning. 2-2 and tracking...

All the chances and hard work paid off for the US from an unlikely source, as Jozy Altidore handled a nice ball from none other than Landon Donovan, showed his strength in holding off his defender, and snapping a quick shot to beat the goalie under his arm pit near the near post in the 15th minute. While the ball was quite saveable, it was still a nice showing from Altidore and good to see him get a goal. Originally, the field turf of Ford Field worried me, because the US had difficulty adapting to the turf some Central American teams use during the last cycle of World Cup qualifying but it doesn't seem to phase the Yanks too much. The midfielders are working well together, providing balls down the flank and connecting in the middle for efficient ball control. The only true trouble for the US came in the form of a ball with eyes struck by De Resario from outside the top of the box, only to be just wide of the target. And though it took him about 25 minutes or so, Agudelo seems to have found his footing and was involved in several nice chances on goal.

By the time the soccer game hits halftime, Jake Westbrook has hit a three run double (?!?!?!) and Game 4 of the NBA Finals has commenced. Sadly, Allen Craig left the Cardinals game in the first inning with some sort of knee injury and the guys beside me are up to their elbows in wings. Mine are about a fourth finished and I'm on my third Mr. Pibb. The waitress has realized I'm in this for the long haul, has stopped checking on me, and only comes by when she knows I need a refill. This is excellent because I hate sitting their with them asking, "Can I get you anything else?" And me having to reply, "No thanks I'm good," while I'm thinking in my head, "Yes, I know I'm freeloading these channels that I don't get in my apartment off of you. Sorry."

The Heat-Mavs looks like another back and forth battle from the very beginning as Dirk hits his first three shots, only for the Heat to rally via Chris Bosh. Eventually, the shooting percentages get sort of ugly, the defense somewhat solid, and the game very intense. But more on that later.

The second half opens slightly differently as Canada looks a bit more dangerous. They get into the box with less difficulty than before but real chances are still sparse. However, for the first time in the match they are beginning to make me very nervous. Sadly, my boy Bradley picks up his 137th stupid card in his international career in the 51st minute, but that could just be an approximation. He then redeems himself with a beautiful seeing-eye cross to Altidore, which he proceeds to whiff on with his head, screwing Mikey out of the praise he rightfully deserves. This is followed by Dempsey trying a "reverse bicycle kick" on a dipping cross which he almost completes in spectacular fashion. I yell in glee then disappointment and several people stare at me, as if I just punched them in the face. Sorry I'm a patriot.

The Mavs and Heat continue their battle of attrition and I look briefly at it in time to see Tyson Chandler nut on Joel Anthony's face with authority. That guy kind of scares me.

I shoot both of my arms into the air as the Son's of Sam net their second goal of the match in the 62nd minute via a nice grounded cross by Altidore, ever so slightly tipped by a sliding Agudelo in the middle of the box, and finished on a nice sliding goal by Clint "I run this town" Dempsey. He proceeds to tap the flag lightly and salute the crowd while people at BWW proceed to wonder what game I'm getting so excited about, as the NBA and Cardinals game are both at commercial. Pay attention to soccer people, it's the "beautiful game" and when you do, you seem slightly less uncultured to European people. What's not to like?

No score change has occurred in the Cardinals game and the NBA game rarely fluctuates away from a 4 point deficit for either team in the early going. Meanwhile, I can't finish all 24 traditional wings I have ordered so it looks like I'll have lunch tomorrow. Holler.

Tim Howard shows why he is a world-class keeper in the 85th minute when he saves a point blank range shot in traffic, the Canadian player falls over him, he then rushes to get up as the ball isn't cleared of danger, it finds the foot of a Canadian attacked who proceeds to launch a half-volley towards the top of the net which Howard reaches to save with reflexes like a jungle cat (jaguar, puma, leopard really which ever one you prefer). I let out another yelp in disbelief. Oops. I feel like a jungle cat in a zoo being starred at through bars. With the final whistle drawing near, Westbrook is in a bit of a jam. He puts two runners on with one out in the bottom of the 6th, then Theriot makes yet another error on the season and they are loaded with just one away. Jason Motte enters, gets the next batter 0-2 and proceeds to drill him. Not good. Luckily he settles in strikes the next batter out, and retires the side with a harmless grounder. 5-3 Cards going into the seventh.

Heat-Mavs is at halftime with the Heat up by two in a game that could kindly be classified as ugly. While no one has stood out, besides possibly Tyson Chandler and Chris Bosh, the close score makes all those non-partisan observers still interested and will probably keep ratings high. With a lull in the action, I exit BWW to rush home to see the end of both the Cardinals and the Finals games.

Luckily, I get back in time to see Pujols go yard again, with it being so bomb-like it is almost reminiscent of his homer against Lidge in Game 5 of the 2005 NLCS. Furthermore, Theriot extends his hit streak to 20 games on a last-chance ninth inning at-bat with a double, knocking in an insurance run. Simultaneously, the Heat are blowing another lead to the Mavs, who seem to love playing from behind. While LeBron has mysteriously disappeared and Dirk is playing with a fever (not even cowbell could cure this one), Wade is hogging the spot light and a scrappy supporting cast is keeping the Mavs relevant in the game.

As Salas closes out the game for the Cardinals, allowing a harmless run in the ninth, the final 6 minutes of Game 4 is underway. The Heat officially give away the lead and Dirk, with help from Terry and Stevenson extend their new found lead to six with 1:53 remaining. While I continue to search for LeBron like he's Waldo, Wade misses a game-tying free throw with 30 seconds left. Baskets are exchanged, Terry makes clutch free throws, and then a strange play consisting of the ball bouncing off Wade's leg, him lunging to stop the back court violation, tossing the ball to Miller, and ole Gator Mike air balling the following three leaves me wishing the game had gone to overtime and extended my self-enforced bedtime.The Mavs have tied the series and this puppy looks like it's headed towards seven games. Awesome.

Sadly, the crazy sports' night is over. I'm still looking for LeBron, though I feel good about the direction of the Cardinals (four game winning streak) and the US team (defeated their toughest Gold Cup opponent until probably the semi-finals with relative ease). As my wings sit in the refrigerator waiting for me to eat them at work tomorrow, I can't help but think this is why I love sports. I was entertained from 7-11 PM all by myself. And though it may seem sad to the onlookers, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

****Funny things I didn't mention: JJ Barea started?!?! Cobi Jones cannot be taken seriously in studio with his hair. Sorry I can't do it. There was a large anti-Heat contingent at BWW that constantly heckled them even though the game was occurring about 1000 miles away.

It's the End of the World As We Know It

The NBA Playoffs have given us four final teams: the Chicago Bulls, Miami Heat, Oklahoma City Thunder, and Dallas Mavericks. I found it amazing how different the story lines surrounding each team have become. The Bulls have been a young surprising team, led by the league MVP and attempting to recapturing the glory of the MJ era that was one of the greatest spans in NBA history. The Heat have been the villains all season. A team constructed by three superstars because they preferred to have considerable help in attempting to win titles. The Thunder are another young team, however this franchise was build from the ground up around the NBA scoring leader for the second straight year, Kevin Durant. Their youthful athleticism has created a brand of basketball exciting a small market. Lastly, the Mavericks are a team built around quite possibly one of the most underrated players of this or any generation, Dirk Nowitzki. The oldest team left in the playoff hunt, there is also a theme of redemption as the ghosts of 2006 and playoffs past continue to haunt the franchise.

And of course, these four unique depictions can be illustrated by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Yes, you heard me right. The NBA Playoffs have now induced so much drama, it has created a sports Armageddon. Real wrath of God type stuff. "Dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria," as Peter Venkman would say. You don't believe me? Well allow me to explain.

Conquest

The Miami Heat, the most hated team in the league for the entire season manifests itself as the horseman of Conquest. Their ridiculous preseason concert/announcement of their self-proclaimed dynasty sent angry shock waves across the league. The Celtics pretty much vowed to bring the Heat to their knees and watch them beg for mercy. However, much to the disgust of most NBA fans, the Heat have successfully fulfilled every step of their conquest so far, disposing of the 76ers and the aforementioned Celtics while scorching towards the Finals. (Get it, 'cause they're the Heat. I know, sad, right?) They have an apocalyptic two-headed monster (sorry, despite a 30 point 10 rebound night, Bosh still isn't that good in my mind) in James and Wade. The question is will the conquest be stopped short by the raging Bulls or a Western foe in the Finals? Only time will tell. I think its safe to say though that if the Heat are victorious in June, the end of the world will probably be much closer than we might have thought.

War

The Oklahoma City Thunder are youthful, precocious, and extremely talented. They are quick, they can defend, they can run you out of the building during quick two minute spurts and leave you wondering, "What the heck just happened?" For these reasons they resemble the chaos and ferocity that is the horseman of War. Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, and Nick Collison all experienced one of the worst half-seasons in league history starting 3-29 at the beginning of the 08-09 season. They've been through NBA hell, quietly building important pieces like James Harden and Serge Ibaka, quietly creating a strategic attack, much like an army in war, preparing to rule the Western Conference for years to come. But most people didn't expect War to come so early to the Conference Finals. They easily pillaged the Nuggest, one of the hottest teams in the second half of the season, and then waged a war of attrition against the upstart Grizzlies. But low and behold, this horseman has vanquished its foes before it. Can the fortress that is Dirk halt this ambush? Or can the Big Three become FDR, Churchill and Stalin and defeat this blitzkrieg? Only time will tell.

Famine

Feast or famine. With Rose being the freak that he is and his supporting cast hitting shots, the Chicago Bulls are feasting on opponents. However, there are times when the offense starves for points. Hence, the horseman that is the Bulls represents Famine. Obviously, when your team has the MVP, you always have a chance. But the offense of the Bulls too often becomes stagnant and too reliant on Rose's brilliance. However, they can starve their opponents with their suffocating defense, inspired by Coach of the Year, Tom Thibodeau. And this showed in victories against the Pacers and the Hawks. When the Bulls won, they made their opponents' offenses suffer significantly. They made them thirst for a hot streak. So if this horseman is going to force other teams into offensive starvation, they'll be on the fast track to stampeding to the championship trophy. Deep down, MJ must have some sort of happiness due to this fact

Death

Dirk Nowitzki is has been turning back the clock all season. Though 32 certainly isn't old, it certainly isn't young compared to the likes of Lebron, Durant, and Rose. And it also pales in comparison to the 38 years of age which Jason Kidd is carrying around. It is for this reason that not only is the death of players' NBA careers near on the Dallas Mavericks, but the team manifests itself as the final horseman, Death. The aging Mavericks have defied the odds and the prognosticators who were picking the Trail Blazers to upset them in the first round. After blowing massive lead in Game 4, the Mavericks seemed doomed. But as they came back from the dead themselves, it meant the death of not only the lengthy Trail Blazers, but the killing and vanquishing of the Lakers dynasty. By sweeping the two-time defending champions, they have annihilated their past demons and hope to kill more as the Heat, the team whom many consider were gifted the 2006 Finals by questionable officiating, could be lurking in the Finals.

These four Horsemen are all heading for a titanic collision. The NBApocalypse is upon us. The writing is on the wall. One of these four will triumph over the others. Will it be the Heated Conquest? The Thunderous War? The defensive Famine that is Chicago? Or the Mavericks knocking on the door of Death? With the seals and scrolls being opened before our very eyes I hope you enjoy it. Because it's the end of the NBA world. And I feel fine.