The NFL's Quarterback Future: Part 1

**Warning: This post is long. As in the Great Wall of China IS long or Jason Kidd IS old or Blake Lively IS attractive or Elijah Dukes IS a thug.**

Due to the evolution of the sport and the NFL itself, the most important position on a roster to fill, with no question in anyone's mind who has any remote knowledge of the sport, is the quarterback. By my count, in the last 15 years, only twice (and both times the teams' defenses were other-worldly) has a quarterback of mediocre skill level held Lombardi's trophy: Trent Dilfer with the Ravens in 2001 and Brad Johnson with the Buccaneers in 2003. Quarterbacks get paid ridiculous amounts of money to sling the ball down the field in complex offensive systems to ensure a machine-esque offense to attempt to conquer their respective division and attempt a run at the Super Bowl. To further emphasize the importance of the quarterback, blind side tackles are getting paid incredibly lucrative sums to protect the most important asset of the team from concussions and other injuries.

The NFL is, without a doubt, a quarterback's world. Who says they're going to Disney World when they win the Super Bowl? No, its not Darren Sharper on the Saints, its Drew Brees. You think Greg Jennings had a date with Minnie Mouse? Wrong sir. Aaron Rodgers was obviously the one headed to Walt's world of wonderment.

Now that we've established the painfully obvious, (Right now you are either nodding your head up and down or have just decided to leave the page before finishing reading this post because you are sick of reading things you already know.) let us delve into the slightly less known area of quarterbacks of the future. And by future I mean let's look at the quarterbacks drafted in the last two drafts (2010 and 2011) and figure what they heck they are capable of in the league. Half of these players have already seen action in mini-camps, preseason games, and, for a lucky few, actual NFL games. Some haven't even really talked to their coaches legally. Trust me, they've talked to their coaches but the legality of such an event is questionable due to the lockout.

All Time Favorite Obscure Cardinals Players

Watching Pete Kozma hit an RBI double in his first major league at-bat got me thinking. Really, it was his name. It was like a hybrid of Cosmo Kramer's two names: Kozma. And then it got me think of those guys who get a few at-bats in the majors and disappear. This is not to say that Pete will suffer a similar fate to Archibald Wright "Moonlight" Graham. It just made me think of Hector Luna and Luther Hackman. Those Cardinals that weren't really that good but who stuck with you or just make you chuckle when you hear their name (for example, Estaban Yan). So, in honor of that though, I bring you my ten favorite obscure Cardinals. They must have had no particularly great success and not played more than three seasons with the team. Also, my comprehension of baseball stated in 1996 so they had to play sometime after that. Besides that, making this list was quite easy as you will see.

In no particular order:

Jason Simontacchi (2002-2004) - He was actually pretty solid for us for a few years as a back-up starter and sometimes bullpen pitcher. Basically made the list because of his last name and his memorable socks.

Einar Diaz (2005) - A classic scrappy backup catcher of the Tony LaRussa Era. Nothing too classic about his except the fact that he was used in emergency situations in many a MLB Showdown game.

Gene Stechschulte (2000-2002) - A relief pitcher with an awesome last name. The reason he made the list is I remember watching him hit a home run in a rare plate appearance which also happened to be his first career major league at-bat.

Keith McDonald (2000-2001) - A catcher who I think ended up playing in like 10 or 15 games for the Cardinals. He also homered in his first career at-bat as a pinch hitter in a game. Then, homered in his second career at-bat, a feat I think is more rare than the unassisted triple play. It was all the more memorable because I was at the game he hit the second home run.

Shawon Dunston (1999-2000) - Actually a pretty decent player, he was a part of one of the most vivid Cardinal memories I have: the Moth Game of June 22nd, 2000. With Busch Stadium being swarmed by moths due to something in the field's grass, Dunston hit two late-inning home runs, the last of which bounced off Barry Bond's glove in left field to pace the Cardinals to a come-from-behind victory.

Chuck Finley (2002) - For some reason, I've always had a strong affinity towards Chuck Finley and was absolutely tickled when we got him near the trade deadline to aide us in a divisional race. I always remember that he is one of the few pitchers to have ever thrown 4 strikeouts in 2 different innings in his career.

Rick Honeycutt (1996-1997) - One, his name is really cool (and yes, that is really important when it comes to making this list). Two, he was a vital part of my unbelievable season in Ken Griffey Junior's Baseball 1997 for GameBoy. I played all 162 games and went something like 120-42. And Honeycutt had a nasty breaking pitch.

Ray King (2004-2005) - Mostly for the physical comedy that accompanied every time Ray trotting from the bullpen to the pitcher's mound. And that his nickname was Burger. And that I saw countless signs at Busch in a short two year span that referenced said nickname. Good times.

Heatcliff Slocumb (1999-2000) - Well, I think you can guess why he made the list. That's right, awesome name. Really, besides that I can't remember too much. Except that an old childhood friend of mine would always pretend to be him when we were pretending to play baseball in his basement. But once again, this was probably because his name was fun to say.

Fernando Valenzuela (1997) - The only person on the list to make it because of the just plain strangeness of the circumstances. He was a cardinal for such a short time but its still an interesting trivia question. Who was the last team Valenzuela played for? The St. Louis Cardinals. Let's just say that we didn't quite catch Fernando-mania here in the Midwest.

First John and Mark Podcast

Apologies for some of the random crappy-sounding noises. I'm currently working on making the overall sound quality much better and "listenable". Our next one will be much neater both audio-wise and content-wise. So just don't let the first attempt discourage you from listening to future podcasts.

It's the End of the World As We Know It

The NBA Playoffs have given us four final teams: the Chicago Bulls, Miami Heat, Oklahoma City Thunder, and Dallas Mavericks. I found it amazing how different the story lines surrounding each team have become. The Bulls have been a young surprising team, led by the league MVP and attempting to recapturing the glory of the MJ era that was one of the greatest spans in NBA history. The Heat have been the villains all season. A team constructed by three superstars because they preferred to have considerable help in attempting to win titles. The Thunder are another young team, however this franchise was build from the ground up around the NBA scoring leader for the second straight year, Kevin Durant. Their youthful athleticism has created a brand of basketball exciting a small market. Lastly, the Mavericks are a team built around quite possibly one of the most underrated players of this or any generation, Dirk Nowitzki. The oldest team left in the playoff hunt, there is also a theme of redemption as the ghosts of 2006 and playoffs past continue to haunt the franchise.

And of course, these four unique depictions can be illustrated by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Yes, you heard me right. The NBA Playoffs have now induced so much drama, it has created a sports Armageddon. Real wrath of God type stuff. "Dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria," as Peter Venkman would say. You don't believe me? Well allow me to explain.

Conquest

The Miami Heat, the most hated team in the league for the entire season manifests itself as the horseman of Conquest. Their ridiculous preseason concert/announcement of their self-proclaimed dynasty sent angry shock waves across the league. The Celtics pretty much vowed to bring the Heat to their knees and watch them beg for mercy. However, much to the disgust of most NBA fans, the Heat have successfully fulfilled every step of their conquest so far, disposing of the 76ers and the aforementioned Celtics while scorching towards the Finals. (Get it, 'cause they're the Heat. I know, sad, right?) They have an apocalyptic two-headed monster (sorry, despite a 30 point 10 rebound night, Bosh still isn't that good in my mind) in James and Wade. The question is will the conquest be stopped short by the raging Bulls or a Western foe in the Finals? Only time will tell. I think its safe to say though that if the Heat are victorious in June, the end of the world will probably be much closer than we might have thought.

War

The Oklahoma City Thunder are youthful, precocious, and extremely talented. They are quick, they can defend, they can run you out of the building during quick two minute spurts and leave you wondering, "What the heck just happened?" For these reasons they resemble the chaos and ferocity that is the horseman of War. Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, and Nick Collison all experienced one of the worst half-seasons in league history starting 3-29 at the beginning of the 08-09 season. They've been through NBA hell, quietly building important pieces like James Harden and Serge Ibaka, quietly creating a strategic attack, much like an army in war, preparing to rule the Western Conference for years to come. But most people didn't expect War to come so early to the Conference Finals. They easily pillaged the Nuggest, one of the hottest teams in the second half of the season, and then waged a war of attrition against the upstart Grizzlies. But low and behold, this horseman has vanquished its foes before it. Can the fortress that is Dirk halt this ambush? Or can the Big Three become FDR, Churchill and Stalin and defeat this blitzkrieg? Only time will tell.

Famine

Feast or famine. With Rose being the freak that he is and his supporting cast hitting shots, the Chicago Bulls are feasting on opponents. However, there are times when the offense starves for points. Hence, the horseman that is the Bulls represents Famine. Obviously, when your team has the MVP, you always have a chance. But the offense of the Bulls too often becomes stagnant and too reliant on Rose's brilliance. However, they can starve their opponents with their suffocating defense, inspired by Coach of the Year, Tom Thibodeau. And this showed in victories against the Pacers and the Hawks. When the Bulls won, they made their opponents' offenses suffer significantly. They made them thirst for a hot streak. So if this horseman is going to force other teams into offensive starvation, they'll be on the fast track to stampeding to the championship trophy. Deep down, MJ must have some sort of happiness due to this fact

Death

Dirk Nowitzki is has been turning back the clock all season. Though 32 certainly isn't old, it certainly isn't young compared to the likes of Lebron, Durant, and Rose. And it also pales in comparison to the 38 years of age which Jason Kidd is carrying around. It is for this reason that not only is the death of players' NBA careers near on the Dallas Mavericks, but the team manifests itself as the final horseman, Death. The aging Mavericks have defied the odds and the prognosticators who were picking the Trail Blazers to upset them in the first round. After blowing massive lead in Game 4, the Mavericks seemed doomed. But as they came back from the dead themselves, it meant the death of not only the lengthy Trail Blazers, but the killing and vanquishing of the Lakers dynasty. By sweeping the two-time defending champions, they have annihilated their past demons and hope to kill more as the Heat, the team whom many consider were gifted the 2006 Finals by questionable officiating, could be lurking in the Finals.

These four Horsemen are all heading for a titanic collision. The NBApocalypse is upon us. The writing is on the wall. One of these four will triumph over the others. Will it be the Heated Conquest? The Thunderous War? The defensive Famine that is Chicago? Or the Mavericks knocking on the door of Death? With the seals and scrolls being opened before our very eyes I hope you enjoy it. Because it's the end of the NBA world. And I feel fine.

When Life Gives You Lemons, You Make Albertade

A lot has been made about a certain hug between two people in the last forty eight hours. Since I'm usually a pretty optimistic person, I figured I should make light of the situation and have fun with it.

This is, of course, the aftermath of the now infamous hug between Pujols and Chicago Cubs General Manager Jim Hendry. The following are what I believe are the most likely conversations the two men had.

_________________


"Here's lookin' at you Jim."


"Sure! I'd LOVE to play for the Cubs." (winks at Yadier Molina standing behind Hendry)


"Boy oh boy! A real baseball player has finally decided to come to Wrigley Field! Can I have your autograph Mr. Pujols?!"


"So this is why they call it the friendly confines..."


"Jim. You better hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife. Cause I be going 4-for-5 up in hurr."


"You know what they say Jim... It gets harder after the 3rd MVP award."


"Albert, I was wondering if you could lend me some money for an investment.... You see, Soriano said we could extend his contract another 2 years for only 30 million! We can't pass up this deal! Please, help a brother out!"


"You know, 25 home runs, 64 RBIs, and a 1.002 OPS at Wrigley isn't too bad is it Jim?"


"Did you know I have only hit 47 home runs against the Cubbies... ONLY 47!! I'm slacking here Mr. Hendry!"


"Wait?! You really paid Carlos Pena $10 million to flirt with the Mendoza line all season. That's a joke, right? Oh, its not a joke? Well either way that's HILARIOUS!"


"So I says to Dusty, I say, "Dusty, let me tell you something. No one could burn out young arms like you could." And then he tried to shove one of those toothpicks up my nose! Can you believe that?"


"What'da'ya think about that Fukudome?"
"I'd say you overpaid by about a billion yen."


"So Albert, how do you like Wrigley Field?"
"I mean I enjoy hitting here, but the ivy makes my allergies act up."


"What was it like hitting that home run off of Brad Lidge in 2005?"
"Well Jimbo, I never told anyone this but I just closed my eyes like this and hoped for the best."


"How do you do it Albert?"
"Well, you know, I just try to put a good swing on the ball and work hard on every pitch. I just wanted to help my teammates out and put a good swing on the ball and it just happened to be a home run. I just tried to put a good swing on the ball."


"Hey Albert! Take it easy on our boys today, would ya?"
"Maybe when hell freezes over Jimmy."


"Gosh dang it Jim! I already autographed your Steve Bartman replica baseball, 2006 World Series program, your Cubs Suck t-shirt, and your car... I will not autograph your chest."


"There, there Albert. I know it's been 5 years since you won a World Series and a whopping two years since you won an MVP, but look on the bright side. You don't play for the Chicago Cubs."


"What do you think, Jim? Will the NL Central ever win another playoff game? I mean it has been 4 years..."
"Psh four years! Try waiting 103 for a World Series!"


"So are you guys going to stay relevant past June this year or what?"


"Albert, I have a very serious question for you and I figure since you're the best baseball player in the league, you'll give me a straight answer."
"Alright... shoot."
"Was Cobb dreaming at the end of Inception or not?!"


"You think if I touch you, some of your greatness will be transferred to our franchise?"
“Not likely but I guess its worth a try, considering your circumstances

"Como estas senor Hendry?" "Albert... You know I don't speak Spanish."

The Cardinals and the Cubs: Historic, Geographic, Rivalrous

*Disclaimer* In honor of the first game of the year between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Chicago Cubs I decided to write a piece on the historic and great competition that is their 15-18 games a year. The following is probably rehashing of every analysis you've ever read about the Cardinals-Cubs rivalry.

What makes a great rivalry?

A mutual distaste between teams and rabid fan bases? A treasured past filled with anecdotes which intricately weave the fabric of the involved franchises' past? A geographic proximity which commingle opposing fan bases to the point of friendly familiarity?

Well, I know a rivalry not often hailed as a great one in the eyes of the national sports landscape. A hidden treasure within American's favorite pastime that takes place in the Midwest, away from the crazed coasts which act as media black holes. A rivalry untouched by diva athletes, key players switching teams in mid-career, and national attention. A rivalry with so much hate that it’s almost love...

Put them all together and you get the rivalry of the St. Louis Cardinals and the Chicago Cubs.

"What?!," may have been your first reaction to this bold statement. I know. I understand your confusion. The teams have never met in the playoffs since the World Series came into existence in 1903. Seasons in which both teams' relevance in the divisional (or before the current format, pennant) race rarely, if ever, intersect. But there's more to this rivalry than first glance can depict.

First, let us address mutual distaste between teams and fan bases. The Cardinals and the Cubs don't really like each other. This isn't an understatement or an overstatement for that matter. They are divisional foes who face each other 15-18 times a year. Familiarity between the two teams is significant. In recent years, there have been shouting matches between coaches, bench-clearing incidents, dramatic comebacks, and in general, very hotly contested games. I think its safe to say there is a heighten tension between the two teams, who may respect each other but certainly don't like each other.

When considering the past, its hard not to consider the Cards-Cubs rivalry in a league of its own. The two teams have been playing each other since 1885. (The over-hyped Yankees-Red Sox rivalry? They've been playing since 1901.) Harry Caray got his start as an radio announcer with the Cardinals in 1947. Jack Buck arrived and teamed up with Caray in 1954. The two became close. When Caray left for Chicago in 1969, it only added to the allure of the rivalry. Two friends, broadcasting opposing sides. I don't think you see that when the Buckeyes play the Wolverines in football. Yes, the Yankees bought the Bambino away from Boston, but compare that to the absolute theft the Cardinals committed, when they traded Ernie Broglio to the Cubbies for Lou Brock on June 15th, 1964. Broglio played two years as a mediocre (at best) pitcher and Brock became the all-time career leader in steals (until 1991), a member of the 3000 hit club, and a Hall of Famer. And though the lust has been significantly removed from the 1998 home run chase, due to steroid-filled syringes, false denials, and tarnished records, one of the most important events in bringing baseball back to prominence in the national sports landscape involved a Cardinal, Mark McGwire, and a Cub, Sammy Sosa.

However, the most important component of the rivalry is the geographic aspect, which has caused families and friends to split their allegiances down the middle Civil War style. In the early days of the MLB, the Cardinals were the only show in The Show west of the Mississippi River. KMOX radio transmitted across several Midwest states, creating a Cardinals fan base that spanned well past the borders of St. Louis. Chicago eventually had WGN, a television network which, with the aide of the mere size of Chicago and its surrounding suburbs, created another well-extended fan base. But the proximity of the beating hearts in the body of these fan bases are what make the rivalry all the more intriguing.

Allow me a short personal anecdote to illustrate this point. One of my best friends since the 7th grade is a Cubs fan, raised on the Cubs since he was old enough to comprehend baseball. He was born in St. Louis to Illinois transplants, which caused him to be the brunt of many-a-joke throughout middle school and high school. But this is the perfect illustration of the rivalry. I despise the Cubs but I also enjoy jesting with my friend about their haplessness, almost to the point where they have become a pet team. And while they haven't had too much post season success, their record against the Cardinals is always surprisingly respectable. And herein lies the beauty of this rivalry. The down-to-earth feel of the Midwest has encroached into the rivalry creating an environment of harmonious dislike. Cardinals fans and Cubs fans sit next to each other at Busch Stadium and Wrigley Field watch their teams, talk smack to each other, drink beers, and enjoy baseball's greatest rivalry.

Sure, the teams have never met in the playoffs. They haven't played a game meaningful to both sides in probably.... forever. But nothing truly compares to what these two teams have with each other. The history is too thick, the fan bases too intertwined, and the teams all too familiar with each other. I'll take this rivalry over the over-paid, inflated egos of the Red Sox-Yankees, the on-again, off-again intrigue of the Ohio State-Michigan game, and the too heavily influenced by Dick Vitale's commentating factor of the North Carolina-Duke game any day of the week and twice on Sundays.So enjoy baseball fans, one of the best rivalries in all of sports.

Win One for the Big Puma

Before December 4, 2010, whenever I heard the name Lance Berkman a pained expression, somewhere between the look Rudy had after getting denied from Notre Dame a second time and Tim Wakefield’s grimace as Aaron Boone smashed a hanging knuckleball in Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS, would creep across my face. In between December 4^th and March 31, 2011, whenever I heard the name Lance Berkman a skeptical look, similar to the raised eyebrows Drama, E, and Vince’s gave Turtle when he told them he had hooked up with Jamie-Lynn Sigler on an airplane.

However, now when I hear his name, my face is a cross between the gleeful look of a seven year old on Christmas and the forced expression in a certain Lonely Island music video.

Lance Berkman is currently destroying the National League with ferocity similar to that of Sherman’s march across Georgia to the Atlantic Ocean. As off the publication of this post, Berkman ranked second in batting average (.392, only trailing teammate Matt Holliday), second in home runs (10), first in runs batted in (32), third in runs scored (25), first in slugging percentage (.775), and first in on-base plus slugging percentage (1.237). I must say that even the most optimistic Cardinals’ fans and baseball pundits didn’t have Berkman getting out to this scorching start. Currently, he is single-handedly (or double-handedly along with Matt Holliday) propelling the Cardinals to leading the league in runs, batting average, and on-base percentage.

Since he became a part of my favorite sports team, I have attempted to read extensively on the man. He appears to be an absolute class act that was put into a difficult situation in Houston due to a season-long slump and a knee surgery. Fresh off a disappointing finish to the season with the Yankees, Berkman rededicated himself to a vigorous conditioning regiment and regained the leg strength he so lacked last year. And all of baseball is seeing the results.

I think it’s safe to say I have a man crush on the Big Puma. I used to pee in my pants like Fuller after he'd had too many Pepsi’s every time he walked to the plate against the Cardinals because he absolutely killed them. Now, I’m giddy with anticipation when he strides to the plate (especially when he’s at Busch as Johnny Cash’s God’s Gonna Cut You Down plays in the background).

So here’s to you Big Puma: a classy ball player who has dedicated himself to the game and plays baseball the way it ought to be played. A man who may be one of the most underrated players of the 2000s, a man who I would be shocked if I ever heard had used steroids in a era filled with filthy numbers (filthy in a bad way), and a man who still lacks a World Series ring. Swept out of the Series in 2005 after defeating his current club in the NLCS, Berkman has never come remotely close to the sweet jewelry before or since.

My wish for you Big Puma is that a Cardinals team which came into the season amidst turmoil through injury and uncertainty can provide you the necessary surroundings to help you capture a nice rock.

One that would even make Kobe's wife, post Colorado incident, jealous.

Troy Tulowitzki is Justin Bieber

Disclaimer: The following post may be considered ridiculous by some.

Drafted seventh overall in the 2005 MLB Draft, Troy Tulowitzki (hence forth known as Tulo because spelling his last name is bothersome) was a can’t miss prospect with spectacular defense and a well-developed bat. He made his major league debut August 30, 2006. As soon as he hit the big show, he was a sensation. Cal Ripken, Jr. has been quoted as saying, “He has a strong offensive game, but defensively, he’s unbelievable. He really thinks about the position, all aspects of the game. I love that about him” (USA Today). There appeared to be no doubt Tulo would be a future star.

Born in Stratford, Ontario, Canada, Justin Bieber became a YouTube sensation overnight. At fourteen, he was recognized by manager Scooter Braun and soon signed to a deal that involved a joint venture with Usher. It was then only a matter of time before his face was on everything from paper plates to backpacks. His every word made teenage girls swoon and Tina Fey lustfully stated in an SNL skit, “His smile is like watching a baby bunny sniff a tiny flower.”

You can tell that the metaphor is pretty obvious. JB makes girls scream almost as much as Tulo makes baseball writers drool. Tulo is currently the Justin Bieber of baseball. He has youth (the parallel there is fairly obvious), transcendent defense (Bieber’s image), and an ability to carry a team (Bieber has the ability to carry the ratings of anything, such as the NBA Celebrity game).

When trouble struck Tulo’s 2010 season in the form of a fractured wrist, the Rockies and much of baseball held their collective breath. Meanwhile, Bieber fans shuttered at the thought of his voice changing destroying his angelic range and heart-melting high notes. Both, however, came back with a vengeance. Tulo in the form of a September with the following stats: 15 HRs, 40 RBIs, 30 runs scored, and a .800 slugging percentage. Bieber recovered by dominating the pop landscape with My World 2.0 including the single “Baby” which is now the highest viewed clip on YouTube. Ever. (Of course, Carlos Gonzalez was the Ludacris to Tulo’s Justin.)

Why make such a ridiculous metaphor? Because in this day and age of Twitter, Facebook, and instant access to all kinds of media, people are hyped like never before. Those of us lucky enough to have spectacular skills (in one form or another) are glorified beyond belief. The parallels don’t stop in that regard. Tulo is already being hailed as the “best player in baseball” even though his current average WAR per season is 3.3. JB is being hailed as a global icon and superstar even though 85% of the population probably thinks he is incredibly annoying and talentless. While both have done so much, there is still so much to do. After an unbelievable start to the season, Tulo has cooled off offensively. And while Bieber’s concert movie out-did box office projections, critics about his actual talent still remain.

As any of my close friends and fantasy baseball compatriots would tell you, I am incredibly skeptic when it comes to young MLB talent. I need proof before I trust someone to put up above average stats. And Tulo really needs to prove it to me. Two great seasons doesn’t make you a hall of famer, let alone the best player in the league. No, I am not skeptical of Tulo’s talent but I question his ability to sustain success in the show.

From what I have read, Tulo is not only talented on the field but a great addition to the clubhouse and strongly symbolizes what the Rockies are currently trying to achieve: gutsy play and success through youth. Troy has the tools to get the job done but I will wait to pass judgment. Best shortstop since A-Rod or Ripken? We’ll see.

But I’m sure Tulo (as well as Justin) will tell you, “I will never say never.”

Bonus MLB player/Pop artist comparisons

Jose Bautista as Lady Gaga because he busted on the scene with such random fashion much in the same way as Gaga. His power display last year is similar to Gaga’s release of her album, The Fame. Jose was born this way.

Roy Halladay as Rihanna because he consistently has put out incredible statistics for years now just as Rihanna has continued to put out number one singles. Sadly, I don't think Halladay is an S & M type.

Miguel Cabrera as Chris Brown because he has a sweet swing (Brown’s voice) and has a tendency of being suspected of domestic violence.

Andre Ethier as Katy Perry because he is hot and so is she. And his last name starts with ET.

Albert Pujols as the Black Eyed Peas because he is always at or near the top of the MVP voting and the BEPs are always at or near the top of the Billboard Hot 100. I gotta feeling... Albert might break out of his current slump.

Ryan Braun as Ke$ha because he is youthful, just got a ton of money, and seems like he loves to party. And we know that’s the only thing Ke$ha does.

Last but not least…

Lance Berkman as Doctor Dre (Yes, I know he’s a rapper) because he looked left for dead at the end of last season but must have had a doctor bring him back to life. But he won't crack a bottle just yet.

Excuse Me for Being Cliche

For a sports fan, right now is an exciting time. The NBA and NHL playoffs are in full swing, packed with interesting story lines like the upstart Grizzlies and defining moments in Alexander Ovechkin's career approaching quickly. Baseball is flying into its second month of play with the Indians successfully continuing to shock the AL and young stars rising throughout the league. For those with a less typical sports palate, Chelsea is attempting an incredible challenge for the Premiership League title, the Champions League is winding down to an intriguing final, the French Open is quickly approaching, and the PGA US Open is beginning to pop up on the upcoming events radar.

However, when I checked out ESPN.com on Monday morning, the homepage picture wasn't of Wade staring down one of the Celtics he dropped 38 points on or Lecavalier netting his game-winning overtime goal against the Capitals. It was an unnamed fan at the Mets-Phillies Sunday night baseball game, proudly displaying his USA baseball jersey with a smile across his face.

The events of late Sunday night rung out throughout the country and reminded me (and many others I’m sure) that there is something else going on in the world besides sports. But rather than the events making me think, “Wow, look at how unimportant sports are in the grand scheme of things,” they made me think, “Wow, sports are more important than most people really give them credit for.”

And allow me to explain through several over-used cliches.

Cliche #1 - “It’s just a game.”

Every time I would walk into school the day after one of the team’s I root for was eliminated from their respective playoff, I’d be depressed, downtrodden, and just slightly happier than Tony Montana when he finds Manny and Gina together. And every time someone, usually a girl, would ask, “What’s wrong?” I would tell them and they’d reply with one of my least favorite phrases ever penned in the English language: “It’s just a game.”

People who really understand sports know that this is couldn’t be any further from the truth. Just a game would not motivate people to pour gallons of sweat on old high school gymnasium floors. Or sacrifice their body running full speed into a catcher. Or take a puck to the face, only to get stitches, lose three teeth, and miss only ten minutes of ice time. No, sports are not just a game. They aren’t just a game to the athletes who play them with unbridled intensity and they aren’t just a game to the fans who invest their livelihood into their teams.

Your rebuttal may be, “Well, you don’t even play the game, how can you care so much?” I would say that as you watch a team day in and day out, you feel like you know them. The athletes become a part of your every day life. You begin to see them more often than you see your extended family (and even some of your immediate family). The team is thoroughly entrenched in your life. And you can’t let go of something so omnipresent. Why would thousands of strangers show up for the funeral of Darryl Kile? Or millions mourn the early departure from this earth of Walter Peyton? Why do you think Brian’s Song is one of the few movies that can make any grown man cry? Just a game? Not bloody likely.

Cliche #2 – “Don’t judge a book by its cover.”

Let me preface this section by saying that I often scorn athletes for taking the bigger contract. I’m not really sympathetic for either side of the NFL’s labor struggle because both sides are much wealthier than about 95% of the world’s population. Athletes do get paid an inordinate amount to play a game but that should not dehumanize them. And the spoiled athlete stereotype should not dominate the perceptions the everyday person has of the sports’ profession.

But as the old cliche indicates you shouldn’t place a label on the professional athlete. A majority of athletes are a lot more selfless than most people realize. Countless teams dedicate hundreds of hours a year giving back to the communities that support them throughout their season. Think college athletes are just spoiled and looking for an easy way to the pros? Think again.

For every Terrell Owens or OJ Simpson, there are a hundred Luke Scotts.

"Scott still travels to Venezuela each winter to spend time there and work charitable missions," reported Amy K. Nelson of ESPN.com. "He ships crates of baseballs and teaching and medical supplies there. And he works with Christian families who take kids in off the streets. Scott considers it God's work and does it with no publicity. He often will seek donations from teammates, and the rest he pays for himself"

Remember Pat Tillman? He gave up millions of dollars as an NFL cornerback to fight for his country as an Army Ranger and never returned. He died in the Afghan mountains in the prime of his life. He was an athlete. Remember Roberto Clemente? He was heavily involved in aiding several Latin American countries through humanitarian work. While traveling to Nicaragua to deliver food supplies and other aid to earthquake victims, his plane crashed and his body was never recovered. He was an athlete.

Sports can’t be just a game because the people who are a part of sports drastically change our social landscape. They make us think of things bigger than themselves and the game. The athletes aren’t really athletes except for at night with the bright lights on. They are people making a difference.

Cliche #3 – “Blood is thicker than water.”

The importance of sports pulsates through the complex structure of family and often times strengthens the bonds which are most essential to us. Don’t believe me? Ask any father and child who have bonded over a journey to the ballpark. Or any mother who donates her free time to watch her offspring play soccer or tennis. The bonds which hold our families together in today’s society are often strengthened by something only sports can offer.

As I trotted down my grandparent’s stairs on Easter Sunday and entered the basement, the scene in front of me looked like this: my dad, maternal grandfather, two uncles, great uncle, and second cousin were all circled around a table. In front of my dad lay an enormous book. The men were talking about baseball. The debates ranged from greatest pitcher ever (Bob Gibson was a strong dark horse candidate) to Gary Carter’s Hall of Fame candidacy (dicey at best). As I entered the fray, three generations talked seamlessly about a common topic. Can you imagine doing that about anything else? Like for example, my grandpa and I sitting down and talking about Twitter? That’s about as likely as JoePa getting a new pair of glasses.

Rick Riley wrote about how his father and him really only truly bonded over watching Jack Nicklaus play golf. Though they shared common blood, they were at times distant. But on Sundays, cheering on the Golden Bear to a victory became a common tie. What else has this affect on people? What else brings families together in such a way? What else necessitates such bonding, such common passion?

Cliche #4 – “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.”

One person cannot win a game (excluded individual sports like golf and tennis). It takes the perfect combination of all kinds of parts to make a team work. A successful team signifies everything that humanity should attempt to be: people making sacrifices for the betterment of those around them and contributing to a common goal with their maximum effort and attempting to reach their full potential. These are things that if applied to everyday life would ensure great things for countless individuals.

This not only applies to athletes coming together to make a team better. It applies to the fans, perfect strangers who high five each other at a bar or at the game. It applies to the people who flood the stadiums, arenas, and fields to cheer their team past its perceived maximum potential and reach that next level. When else do you see perfect strangers sit down next to each other, strike up a conversation, and two hours later, are talking like they’ve been friends for years? (Unless of course, you’re a Cardinals fan stuck next to a Cubs fan.) The camaraderie sports induce is unparalleled as they continually produce common bonds between seemingly different people. You could strongly dislike an acquaintance of yours, sit down with some common friends, watch a game in which you are cheering for the same team, and all hostility melts away.

If you doubt that sports are anymore than just some people running, skating, or throwing various objects in a usually rectangular environment, remember this; when Cote d’Ivoire qualified for the 2006 World Cup the country was being torn apart by a bloody civil war. The squad’s qualification jump-started a cease-fire and inspired President Gbagbo to restart peace talks. Les Elephants, as the team is known in their native country, literally saved thousands of lives by participation in the world’s most watched sporting event.

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I’m not trying to convince you to go memorize every statistic on Baseballreference.com and start buying season tickets to every local team. I’m not telling you to forget about the things you think are most important in your life. Obviously it isn’t the end of the world when your team is eliminated from the playoffs (though sometimes it really does feel like it). And I could list hundreds of different things that are much worse in the grand scheme of things. But before you down play the sports fanatic that lives next door or the girl who decks herself out in her team’s gear everyday, remember one cliche.

It’s much more than just a game.

Allow Me to Introduce Myself

How you’ve found this site, I have no idea. Maybe you searched “mildly entertaining writings on sports by two bored college kids,” or you have the dorm room doldrums and are looking for a cure. Or maybe you’re answering our desperate plea for viewers via Facebook or Twitter.

No matter how you got here, welcome. The site started almost exactly a month ago by yours truly, a poor, bored college student. A student with, yes you guessed it, dorm room doldrums. We’re still working out the kinks but our goal is to provide entertaining sports opinions, theories, and whatever the heck else we want. We’re attempting to “expand” at the moment in the only ways we know how; bombarding people with obnoxious tweets, and Facebook statuses. Lets hope the day of spamming message boards and dropping flyers from an airplane doesn’t arrive. So if you feel so inclined, tell your friends who can tell their friends and we’ll have a nice little pyramid scheme going. Oh, and click on all the ads too.

Enough business, allow me to introduce myself… and Mark. We’ve known each other for about 15 years and have been arguing sports for about 20. He’s better than me at FIFA, or so he claims, but I’ll let my 11-234-9 record do the talking. He introduced me to Bill Simmons a while back who I think we’d both admit is responsible for our ambitions and this website. Mark’s technically not a college kid any more as he graduated from the University of Minnesota a year ago, but I still qualify him as one. I myself am transferring from Truman University to Mizzou and will be a sophomore next semester.

Now if we’re gonna get to know each other better lets move on to the important stuff, sports. Because Mark and I are from St. Louis we’ll probably be leaning toward Cardinals, Rams and Blues topics/best interests. If you don’t like it, then have fun with the Eastcoast Sports Preoccupied Network and never come back. Just kidding, refer back to paragraph 2 lines 7-8. But I personally tend to pull for Midwest teams and smaller markets as I can relate. Notice I said pull for; I’m exclusively a Cardinals, Rams, and Blues fan. But that’s another topic for another time.

To give you an idea of what you may hear in the future, here’s the extreme short version of some of my opinions: I am not a Lebron fan. I haven’t made up my mind on replay in baseball. My favorite sport is hockey. I’m obsessed with fantasy sports, but fantasy baseball in specific. I love Tiger Woods. I used to hate Kevin Garnett but as Bob Dylan once said, "the times they are a-changin' (but Ron Burgundy had never heard that song...)". Peyton Manning is better than Tom Brady, fact. Jim Edmonds is the greatest baseball player of all time (kidding…sort of). And I’m rooting for an NFL lockout (again…sort of).

As you can tell by now, I’m not the smoothest writer nor am I good with grammar and spelling. However the goal is to get sports opinions and concepts out there, the Pulitzer Prize isn’t quite an objective of mine yet.

Hopefully you’ll give us a chance and enjoy the ride with us.

Feel free to comment like Franklin earned a save.