For the Love of Castro!



I found the semi-recent Ozzie Guillen/Fidel Castro storyline quite laughable. Some pundits said the MLB's suspension may have violated Ozzie Guillen's First Amendment rights. Others sports' experts thought he wasn't punished harshly enough. Personally, my thoughts gravitated towards Guillen's complete (and in my opinion humorous) obliviousness towards his situation.

He didn't realize he was managing in a city with a huge population of Cuban immigrants, who generally hate Castro? That his words would be published and dissected by every sports writer, broadcaster, and talk show host in the country? That using the words 'love' and any dictator's name in the same sentence is generally frowned upon in "Amuricah"?

Eventually, I began to wonder at what point in his verbal quagmire would Guillen have avoided suspension? If he had said he loved apple pie? Chevrolet? Baseball? Then I just thought of stuff that Ozzie should have replaced Castro with within the sentence "I love Castro". Then my mind further wandered to things that would have gotten ole Ozzie in to further trouble.

Some of the following people, places, or things wouldn't cause much of a rucus. Others... not so much.
Here are some of the aforementioned ramblings:

The Good

Raymond Romano - Because everybody loves Raymond!

Puppies - Besides anarchists PETA supporters who abhor the fact that we have domesticated dogs for our own selfish reasons, no one could possibly object to a love of puppies. Right?!

George Washington - One of the fathers of our country, it doesn't get much more American, and therefore safe, to love ole George. Tree huggers who hold long grudges may still feel a little sour about the cherry tree incident though...

Ice cream - An all-around favorite in most corners of the country, world, and galaxy, ice cream is a safe bet to incur positive feedback. However, there may be some dissension among those who are lactose intolerant.

The (Sorta) Bad

Michael Jackson - Due to his bizarre personal life, not all will accept a manager's admission of love for the 'King of Pop' as a complete positive, but just imagine the awesomeness of Mike Scioscia breaking out into a moonwalk if Billie Jean happened to be blasting over the stadium loudspeakers during batting practice.

'Call Me Maybe' - If Dusty Baker admitted to loving Carly Rae Jespen's pop abomination, he would probably get ridiculed by most. But there are people who would probably think he's a cool dude for liking the Justin Bieber protege's hit single.

Ty Cobb - Old time fans and former players will praise the skipper's acknowledgment of baseball's treasured past and his reverence for one of the game's all-time greats. Informed people of a younger generation may point to the fact that the 'Georgia Peach' was a blatant racist and complete dick. The picture says it all.

The Ugly

Lutefisk - If Ron Gardenhire were to say he loves this dish from the Upper Midwest, he may be a hometown favorite (despite the Twins' atrocious excuse for an offense). But everyone else in their right mind would probably vomit on the spot, not only at the thought of this disgustingly prepared dish but also watching Twins' players attempt to get hits.

Thermonuclear war - It's pretty safe to say that this is a big no-no.

The O'Doyles - Let's be honest. Is there a more deplorable family in cinematic history? You tell me.