It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Draft

ESPN. The world wide leader in sports. Innovative beyond belief. Pioneers of the way sports and society interact. My favorite channel on TV. The creators of SportsCenter, the only show people will watch the same episode of over and over and over... And last but not least, the channel exclusively featuring only topics related to and concerning the NFL Draft.

On Thursday, amidst a very sticky and seemingly irreparable labor dispute, the 2011 NFL draft began at Radio City Music Hall in New York City. As boos showered down upon Commissioner Goodell, the event which ESPN had been meticulously covering since Mr. Irrelevant was drafted in the 2010 NFL Draft, had finally begun. The hundreds of hours spent analyzing players and their abilities had finally come to fruition. All the sweat, tears, and blood of dozens of collegiate athletes, and in Mel Kiper Jr's case, gallons of hair gel, had all been pointing to this day. The commercials, the 10-minute-long segments on SportsCenter, the constant interviews with Kiper and Todd McShay. They all were pieces of a puzzle that had finally been put together. But the puzzle had sadly become a 5000 piece jigsaw extravaganza.

I don't think there's a single event in American sports which does not involve actual competition that gets this much coverage. I say American sports because the draw for the World Cup is probably the most important sporting event that doesn't involve actual competition. However, we live in the USA and people don't realize (or care about) the importance of the draw. Anyways, that is not the discussion of this post. I just find it incredible that there is so much hype, advertising, and promotion of this event. It has become obnoxious and suffocating.

I understand. The NFL is currently recognized as the most popular professional sports league in our grand country. The sports masses have a addiction and there's only one cure.... more football. So transitively, the NFL Draft would of course become extremely popular. But still, I see Kiper and McShay on SportsCenter in May of 2010 projecting for the 2011 Draft. Once the Super Bowl is over, the reporting goes into overdrive, being rivaled in a historical context only by the media's coverage of the OJ Simpson trial and Michael Jackson's death. Obviously people need their NFL crack when the actual season is over. I get that. The addiction is hard to shake. But really EPSN? Every other commercial has to advertise the draft? I know the draft is on ESPN. Where the hell else would it be? I know that my team's future could be either built or destroyed. I don't need to be reminded every five minutes. Really? The Packers built their Super Bowl championship team through the draft? I thought they did so by importing small Japanese refugees and forcing them to train night in and night out to become football machines.

Listen, I love ESPN. I spend about 70% my internet time on ESPN.com. I spend about 60% of my TV viewing time on ESPN (acccording to Elias Sports Bureau). But its the Entertainment Sports Programming Network, not the NFL Draft Programming Network. While some coverage of the Draft is necessary and enjoyable, I think they've gotten a bit excessive in the past few years. The Draft Day coverage is nauseating. I almost lost my dinner listening to Chris Berman and the other pundits dissect each pick. And I didn't even eat a dinner. Gruden praises each draftee like they're the next (insert elite hall of famer of a given position here). And he has this stupid "Quarterback Camp" now that is the most obnoxious hour of sports television since the second time the World Series of Poker had an hour long segment. They need to tone it down. ESPN has become fatten from Draft gluttony. They're like the guy in Se7en who died from eating too much.

The solution is simple. Cover the draft in moderation. Give Kiper and McShay some time but only ten minutes on the second Thursday of every month, starting 3 months before the draft. Supplement the new massive quantities of open airtime with other sports. Get some variety going. Acknowledge hockey for once. Attempt to get people interested in soccer. Explain the rules of cricket. Make the sporting populous an educated one.

The NFL now dominates the American sporting landscape, but with the lockout looming like Edgar Allen Poe's Raven, we need to step back and take a moment to rethink the Draft obsession. ESPN has led the way. Their influence on the minds of American sports fans is unparalleled. They need to take an active role in toning the coverage down. For the sake of the other sports, which need our attention and demand our respect. The Draft is great but not the only thing happening in sports during a busy spring sports season. To paraphrase Scripture, "Man can not live on Draft alone."

Unless, of course, its Budweiser.

Blues 2010-2011 Grades

As with any team in any sport, the season eventually comes to an end. Sometimes with a solid playoff appearance, many times not even that far and most rarely of all with a championship victory. Then comes the lull for the fans. Fans of a championship team have the privilege to celebrate for weeks before beginning to think about the next year. But for the rest of us, reflection of the season that was sets in. Excitement, optimism, worry and panic for the next year are a few months away. In order to gain closure on the Blues 2010-2011 season lets look at each individual, grading their performance. For the NHL challenged, each player will also be compared to another athlete so you can get a feel for what type of player each Blue is.

Order: # of games played, least to most

Ben Bishop: 7gp, 2.76 GAA .899 SV% - B-
Chaminade grad Bishop gets a B- on the year. This is the type of B- where you're sitting on a 79.5% but the teacher mercifully bumps you up. He had 2 outstanding games, 2 good games, and 3 stinkers. The potential is there but the consistency isn't. He's a lot like Rick Porcello of the Detroit Tigers. Potential is there but how much? You wouldn't be surprised if he becomes a solid #2 pitcher, (solid NHL starter) or a decent #3/4 pitcher (good NHL backup). Only time will tell.

Blues Wrap-Up

Anyone who watched the Blues 2010-2011 season rode the cliche "roller coaster" of ups and downs. However disturbingly the ride seemed to be a majority of down slopes after the impressive 9-1-2 start in October. Compared to the 2009 heroic late season surge to the playoffs and 2010's choking away of leads in the third, this season lacked the emotional toying of the heart but in the end was very predictable. Ever since Joe "I ruin young careers full of potential" Thornton elbowed Mr. Perron in the head, the team seemed to be going no where. But it wasn't just Perron's absence that lowered spirits. The team lost Jackman, Steen, McDonald, Halak, Coliaccovo, Polak, Sobotka and Oshie for extended periods of time. 2009 took on the youngsters with something to prove aura. They never gave up and made an improbable playoff push becoming one of the hottest teams in league within the last few months. Unfortunately they were swept by a the Canuckleheads in the first round. 2010 became a season full of promise, ultimately sliding away. Yet it was ok, the team was young, it was a learning experience. 2011 will be seen as the year of excuses. It started with great expectations. First as a dangerous playoff team, then as a legitimate contender. But that didn't last long. As soon as Perron went down and the injury bug bit a few players the team seemed to take on the "well this isn't our year either" attitude. You could see it coming a mile away. Unfortunately the pile of injuries only grew throughout, never giving the team a chance to regain confidence and surge back. Flashes of brillance hit here and there. The Blues beat some top notch teams, but then would fall to teams like the Blue Jackets. Yes, the Bjs. In the end it became pretty predictable. We weren't going to make the playoffs. We had already decided to give up. No worries, we can blame injuries. We lost our star in the making. We lost our veteran D-man. We lost our up and coming goaltender. We lost our spark plug. The forgiving St. Louis fans will be compassionate as always. Well time is running out. The fans, and ownership have given plenty of chances. It's time to start winning no matter how young, or injured the team is. If the Johnson/Stewart trade didn't send the message, i don't know what would. I have full confidence in this team, and really am full of optimism going into the offseason. I can't wait til next year, hopefully it will be an uphill ride.

Reimer Remix

Cardinals Friday Meeting

Scene: Busch Stadium locker room. Tony Larussa is standing in front of Pujols, Holliday, Wainwright, and Carpenter.

LaRussa: Ok guys, that loss yesterday was brutal, we can play better than that. You guys are the leaders of this team, what are we gonna do to prevent that from happening again?

Wainwright: Get me a new arm?

Carpenter: Get me a defense?

Holliday: My stomach hurts.

LaRussa: Shut up, Matt.

Pujols: We lost?

LaRussa: Yes Albert, we lost. In large part cause of your grounding into 3 double plays.

Pujols: I promise I won't hit into three double plays for you next year...

Carpenter: This is my fault. I knew if I didn't throw a perfect game we'd lose.

LaRussa: You did fine, it's not like you gave up a bomb with 2 outs in the ninth...

Franklin (poking head in door): I heard that.

LaRussa: Sorry Ryan.

(John Mozeliak runs in the door crying and kneels at Pujol's feet)

Mozeliak: Please Albert, please don't leave. If you stay I'll name the team after you, I'll make LaRussa apologize for the 2007 all-star game, I'll give you my firstborn child, I won't tell that you use ster..

Pujols: Whats that?

Mozeliak: Nothing.

Holliday: My stomach hurts.

LaRussa: Shut up, Matt.

Schumaker: Hey guys, have you seen my shake weight?

Carpenter (picks up and tosses "shake weight for women"): Yeah, here.

(Schumaker drops it)

Pujols: Didn't you used to play outfield?

Wainwright (to Mozeliak): Can we trade him for a closer?

Mozeliak: I've tried, every other team realizes his value as a triple A backup.

(Rasmus enters)

Rasmus: You guys see that Reds walkoff?

LaRussa (to Mozeliak): I told you he's a traitor! He's a cancer to our team, trade him.

Mozeliak: I've tried, every other team realizes that he's an outfielder full of potential that he'll never reach, is injury prone, and the ladies love him but he is really only good for a 2 week hot streak, and beyond that is utterly useless.

Carpenter: Like J.D. Drew?

Mozeliak: Not even that good.

Pujols: Like Rick Ankiel?

Mozeliak: Ok better than that.

(Theriot enters)

Theriot: I'm gonna put up a big sign that says "The Riot" over my locker! How cool is it that my name spells the words, the and riot?!

Rasmus: Woah, you're right it does!

Pujols: You didn't know that?..

LaRussa: They don't teach reading and writing until 8th grade in Georgia. Colby didn't get that far.

Theriot: Roll me that duct tape will ya Waino?

(Wainwright rolls the duct tape over, Theriot fumbles it under a table and down a vent)

(Enter Mike Shannon)

Shannon: Hey boys ha ha. Listen to er this here er joke I found on the world wide web ha ha. Apparently you’re not allowed to bring an I-Pad into Yankee Stadium. Which means if you want to look at an expensive, overrated slab at a Yankee game, you’ll just have to watch A-Rod. ha ha. ha. ha ha ha.

Wainwright: What'd he say?

Holliday: My stomach hurts.

Carpenter: I thought he wasn't allowed in here when he's drunk?

Pujols: But then he'd never be allowed in.

Carpenter: Exactly.

(Shannon passes out in a locker)

LaRussa: Lets get out of here before he wakes up.

(LaRussa and Wainwright sprint to the door. Carpenter pulls a groin getting up too quickly, while Pujols jogs making sure not to break a nail.)

Closing the Opening

Opening day. If you're an American I'm just going to assume its on your list of top 10 days of the year. Probably behind Christmas, Thanksgiving, March Madness day 1, and the day EA releases the new NHL. Or maybe that's just me. Nonetheless you've probably read a million Buster Olney or Matthew Berry articles drooling over opening day and how wonderful it is to start anew in the spring time air. So I'll skip that paragraph full of cliches and just say, I agree.

Due to some Friday dorm room doldrums, (see what i did there, see how i incorporated the title like a bad Nic Cage movie) I decided to recap what happened in Thursday and Friday's openers. Something I really like by the way, it's like March Madness day 1. Games staggered throughout each day, allowing fans to see more baseball from different teams. Really it feels like an extension of the weekend before it arrives, well done Selig. Now lets see if i can close these games out better than Franklin, Lyon and Axford.

Braves at Natinals Nationals

Braves win this opener in Washington D.C. 4-2. Derek Lowe started his third straight opening day and pitched pretty darn well. 5.2IP, 3H, 6K, and gets the W. Even if it was against the Nationals, I guess they do have silver slugger Ryan Zimmerman and Jayson "Not" Werth $120 million. Braves hitting also looked solid. Someone told Chipper it was 1999 and Heyward that is was opening day.

Tigers at Yankees

Our boy Buster Olney reports that CC cut down on the Captain Crunch and lost some weight. No joke. I know its April fools but seriously. He must have given his left over boxes to Joba "the hut" who enters fatter than ever. I think he's competing with Bartolo Colon to see who makes the Biggest Loser first. Yankees won 6-3 off a lucky Grandershit career day.

Angels at Royals

Jered Weaver picked up where he left off last year, and so did the Royals. Angels win 4-2 off a Hunter bomb. I keep thinking he's gonna lose it one of these years.

Padres at Cardinals

Wainwright Carpenter had good stuff in the opener but a valuable quality start was wasted by a team that has learned how to lose games really well. Schumaker needs some stickem, Albert needs to use an MLB 2k10 flyball swing, Franklin needs to die, and Theriot needs to learn fundamentals. Yes, I know the Cubs didn't stress the importance of fielding a rolling ball, but in this baseball town its semi-important. The Cards filed papers to enter the NBA where they could play all offense and no D, but were denied when news of Holliday's appendectomy arrived. Lets hope the whole season isn't like the opener otherwise Albert is gonna want out in a hurry. Padres win 5-3.

Brewers at Reds

The Reds got a lucky walk off on a crappy closer. Dusty either thinks he won his first game ever or is a 5 year old girl. Although he has done this before. Reds win 7-6.

Giants at Dodgers

The Giants win the world series and don't get to start their season at home. If I was a Giant fan I'd be rather upset by that, seems pretty disrespectful to me. But really this is all that matters and is awesome. Dodgers won 2-1 in a great pitchers duel.

White Sox at Indians
A crazy game that ended with 25 total runs. White Sox started off blowing up Fausto Carmona and had a 14-0 lead at one point. However the Native Americans made a comeback including a Carlos Santana home run that led to a 15-10 ending. White Sox win.

Astros at Phillies
Who would have thought that the Astro's senior citizen Brett Myers would stay even with Roy Halladay, leading to a 4-2 win. That must have been too good for Brandon Lyon to be a part of since he completely self destructed in the ninth. He looked 10 times worse than Ryan Franklin. Ok, 5 times worse. Ok, 2 times worse? Who knows what happened, his jersey was either broken or he thought he was throwing batting practice. Phillies get a lucky 5-4 walkoff victory.

Red Sox at Rangers
This game was surprisingly on ESPN, every analyst got off their knees in the Boston locker room just in time to announce it. So what if I am jealous Boston gets 100 times the amount of coverage as St. Louis. Whatever we're both 0-1. Rangers win 9-5.

Pirates at Cubs
"Ace" (try not to laugh) Ryan Dempster, gave up a grand slam to Neil Walker in the fifth. That's all the Pirates needed to win 6-3. I'd say more about this game, but I don't want people to get bored and leave.

Twins at Blue Jays
The Blue Jays attempt to do nothing but hit home runs again this year, as they hit 4 off Pavano's porn stache. Arencibia hit 2, trying to prove he's the real deal and Bautista hit 1, killing everyone who placed a bet on the under for over/under 1 homerun for Bautista this year. Let me know when he hits 20 this year and maybe I'll consider him legit. Twins get mauled and lose 13-3.

Diamondbacks at Rockies
The Diamondbacks do us all a favor by taking a baby step towards proving Ubaldo's start last year was a fluke, and he's nothing close to a CY Young candidate. Justin Upton goes bomb squad and the D-backs win 7-6 in extras.

Orioles at Rays
The game was a shocker, Zobrist proved he isn't allergic to home runs and David Price lost his first game. Johnny Damon sucked in the outfield though so the game wasn't really all that shocking. The Orioles won 4-1 and are goin places under Buck "trash talking" Showalter.

Mets at Marlins
The Mets can't hit, or pitch. John Buck hit a grand slam. Josh Johnson was beastly. Seems pretty predictable to me. Marlins win 6-2.

Mariners at Athletics
This game is still in the 7th at the moment with the Mariners up 4-2. Felix is cool, the A's drool. Really who cares about how this ends up, they both play in stadiums that take up half their state.