Ratemyteammates.com

A few years ago, back in my college days, I overheard some fellow freshman muttering in the cafeteria about the professor of their physics class. After a few choice words were said about the aforementioned professor's teaching techniques, one my peers stated defiantly, "Let's take him down on rate my professors dot com!"

I had heard rumblings of such a site but never really felt the need to use it. My professors were either pretty chill, pretty funny, or just so mediocre I had no need to rate them one way or the other. But a few weeks ago, after listening to a discussion on some sporting radio program about team chemistry, a thought struck me.

What if there was a website where athletes could post anonymously about their teammates, rating them on a scale and discussing them and how they performed as a teammate, not only considering their athletic skills but their overall effects on the team's physical, mental, and emotional state?

This would be awesome for two main reasons:

1. Sports fans would get an unprecedented look into the inter-workings of their teams and find out what really goes on in locker rooms across the country.

2. Players could be evaluated more accurately in a historical context when taking into consideration what kind of teammate they were. This would be a good accompaniment to their career statistical performances and would contribute to a more balanced assessment of their value as a player throughout their tenure.

Just think, an archive of comments and stories about every athlete, how often they pick up the tab at dinner, what they do in the clubhouse/locker room, and the ways they pass time during road trips. Or just comments about them in general.

While the idea itself is awesome, it's a plan that would never come to fruition. One of the big differences between the athlete and the everyday man is that they get to see what goes on behind those closed doors, and we generally, do not. But just for the fun of it, I'll give you some examples of what I think people would say on this mythical website, if only for comedy's sake.

Current Day Section

Comment: "Man, he's a freak athlete. Best player in the league today. Funny guy, doesn't want to take all the credit. We have a good time together, partying in South Beach, not paying taxes, it's all good. You know, he plays hard. Easily the best player on our team, but strangely enough he passes up taking the last shot. I dunno man. It's like he freezes up or something and let's me have the ball which is cool but I admit, he's definitely the better player. This is his team."
-anonymous 2nd best player on the Heat on LeBron James

Comment: "Duuuuude seriously. This guy is a gymnast. He literally did a flip into the end zone, no lie. AJ may be a good target but this guy is a highlight reel waiting to happen. And he has some high quality herb. That ganja is prime dope. I don't know where he gets this stuff but it is fresh!"
-anonymous play caller on the Bengals on ex-teammate Jerome Simpson

Comment: "Franchise player. Class act on the field. He will go down as one of the all-time greats. He's kept the clubhouse together through thick and thin, championship years and crushing losses to hated rivals. Great wing man at a party. Always kind to those he meets. And always leaves the ladies with a little something-something."
-anonymous Yankee teammate of Derek Jeter

Comment: "Transcendent skills and an impeccable nose for the goal. The guy just doesn't flop like a lot of players in the league do. A great teammate, not only because of his pure God-given skills, but because he plays with a passion and flair that is contagious."
-anonymous defender on Barcelona FC about Lionel Messi

Historical Section

Comment: "He plays hard but, to be quite frank, he's an asshole. I've never seen anyone hit like this guy can hit but he's known around the league as a wild card and he isn't one for conversation in the clubhouse. And his eyes are kinda creepy..."
-anonymous Detroit Tiger teammate of Ty Cobb

Comment: "The guy just wins. He has such a feel for the game in the fourth quarter. He knows exactly where I like the ball. And he's very charismatic. One of a kind player. I've never seen anything like him. He just knows how to win."
-a certain 49er receiver about his first great QB teammate

Comment: "Never has there been anyone like him nor will there ever will be. He makes passes others wouldn't dare attempt. He's five steps ahead of anyone else on the ice and runs the power play so smoothly you'd think he was doing it in his sleep. He's earned his nickname. I know that for sure. Pretty humble too."
-anyone on the Edmonton Oilers in the 80s describing Wayne Gretzky