Hey I Made It, I'm the World's Greatest

All we ever do in sports is rank things. The best pitchers of the 1960s (#1 Bob Gibson), the best dynasties in college football (obviously the 1930s Golden Gophers), and the greatest sports moments in 1985 (who knows, I'm making this stuff up off the top of my head). We make top ten lists, we argue who belongs where, we use statistics to back up our amateur analysis, and we feel indignant when someone disagrees. The internet has only made it worse with idiot bloggers who think they know something about everything, making mundane posts about pointless topics and self-serving rankings of the most unimportant things.

The Dog Days of Summer

In the last few weeks in sports, we've crowned champions, drafted a Dunking Ninja, watched Roger Federer do something he's never done (and it wasn't good), and seen two leagues' negotiations progress with the kind of monotony only reserved for root canals. After the dust kicked up from Wimbledon's courts settles, we will be left with a seemingly barren sports landscape in the middle of the hot and humid summer. Of the four major professional sports in the US, only one dares to march through the hottest months of the year. The two best (in my opinion) golf tournaments of the year have already happened, the US men's soccer team will go into a long hibernation, and the last tennis major won't be played until Labor Day.

Wimbledon Fantasy Draft: Pre-Quarterfinal Results

Bold indicates player is still in tournament

John Men's


Djokovic (2) - Won through Round 4 - 4x16 = 64
Soderling (5) - Won through Round 2 - 2x16 = 32
Tsonga (12) - Won through Round 4 - 4x16 = 64
Monfils (9) - Won through Round 2 - 2x16 = 32
Mezler (11) - Won through Round 2 - 2x16 = 32
Gasquet (17) - Won through Round 3 - 3x16 + 16 (bonus for 17-32 seeded player advancing to 4th round) = 64
Dolgopolov (22) - No wins - (-16)
Isner - Won through Round 1 - 1x16 = 16

John's Men's total through the Fourth Round = 288

The Levels of Movies

If I asked you, out of the movies that you have seen in your lifetime, what percentage you would give at least a 6 on a 1-10 scale (of likability), what do you think that number would be? A really stuck up "movie connoisseur" kind of person might say 15%, an average person might think around 75%. Myself, well I try to limit the number of movies I watch that I think look bad from the beginning so I would say my number is around 63.5%. But that's just liking a movie, which isn't too hard to do. It doesn't necessarily imply you'll buy it on Blue-Ray, watch it over and over, and be the person every looks to to know the answer to every trivia question about Big (or whatever the movie may be).

What about if we upped the stakes and said it had to rate 6.75-8.25? Obviously the percentage would shrink significantly (for me around 25% but only because I filter the movies I watch vigorously). Let's say that at about a 6.75, a movie becomes a "good" movie. Not a "great" one like Apocalypse Now or an "ok" one like X-Men (original, haven't seen the new one yet), but a "good" one like Old School. We can already see that a 1-10 scale is probably over simplifying our movie assessment and designating a single number to a movie is foolish, uneducated, and down right insulting to everyone involved in that movie (unless we're talking about Faster, in which case it can be simplified to a number, 0).

The Minnesota Misery

Bill Simmons loves to talk about tortured fan bases and franchises. It's actually really interesting to fully immerse yourself in the history of other cities and franchises. You begin to understand how lucky you are if you happened to have been a fan of a championship team. I consider myself lucky to be a fan of two champions: the 2000 Super Bowl Champion Rams (the most fun I've ever had watching a team and probably one of the most fun teams to watch ever) and the 2006 World Series Champion Cardinals (my favorite team on top of the world). Seeing a team raise its sports' respective trophy above their head in absurd jubilation is one of the best feelings a sports fan can ever have. It is the ultimate prize in fandom.

But there are some who have never felt the glory, or at least haven't for a generation (or two or three). There's Buffalo (1965) and Cleveland (1964) and Seattle (never). That's right, Buffalo's two teams haven't won a championship since the Bills won one before the Super Bowl existed, Cleveland's three teams have had a similar streak of futility, and Seattle has lost a franchise to a prairie town and never won any kind of professional championship. Those are definitely the three cities (if we are talking about sports cities, which we are) that currently should top the tortured list.

Wimbledon Fantasy Draft: First Round Results

Fantasy Results After Wimbledon Round One

Men’s Draft

Team John and The Wozniacki Wannabes

Djokovic (2): 16 pts

Soderling (5): 16 pts

Tsonga (12): 16 pts

Monfils (9): 16 pts

Melzer (11): 16 pts

Gasquet (17): 16 pts

Dolgopolov (22): -16 pts

Isner: 16 pts

TOTAL: 112 pts

The Darkness Before the Dawn

Bare with me and allow me to be the 132704th person to write about the Cardinals heading into the Albert Pujols-less portion of their schedule. When a friend of mine received the bad news a few days ago, he sent me a text that read a little something like this: "Shit shit shit shit." Those words only ran through my head as I watched Pete Kozma get a little too ambitious with a throw from the middle hole of the infield and Pujols get his arm slightly snapped by Wilson Betemit running to first base. But as the news set in that Albert would be missing 4-6 weeks, my anxiety levels weren't all that high. Cardinal Nation began to become a worrisome bunch, especially since this news was following a recent 7-game skid that included getting swept by the under-whelming Washington Nationals. However, to steal a few words from Pink Floyd, "I have become comfortably numb," - though in this case it's without all the hallucinogenic drugs - with the Cardinals' situation. I have felt no panic or worry about the team. Let me give you a few reasons why.

Wimbledon Fantasy Draft: It's on Like Donkey Kong

With Wimbledon upon us, so are 2 weeks of unbelievable tennis. If you missed the Australian and French Open make sure you tune into Wimbledon and the U.S. Open. Unlike the golf majors the last two tennis slams escalate in stature and are shaping up to be dandys. With tennis on the brain as the NBA and NHL have faded away, Mark and I decided to partake in a bit of a competition; the first ever Wimbledon fantasy draft. May the best man win.

Here’s how it works. Each of us drafted 8 men, and 8 women. 5 were allowed to be ranked in the top 16, 2 in the top 32, and 1 that was unranked. Nadal and Federer were off limits in the men’s bracket, however were eligible in the “predicting the final” section. Scoring will be applied as follows:

When In Doubt, Root For History

Not long ago Mark and I stirred the pot with a “Rules of Fandom” podcast. If you weren’t listening we basically gave our arrogant opinions on who people should be “allowed” to be a fan of. In short, if you’re born in a city, then that city’s professional sports team is yours. No hopping on or off any other teams, unless you want to become a bandwagoner and be outcast from society…or just from Mark and I. As usual it was a complicated and controversial subject that actually got more than 2 comments. Now I’m not here to get in that whole debate again, but the subject happened to creep into mind yet again due to the U.S. Open.

How so? Well that requires some background information. I’ve been a fan of Tiger Woods since I really got into golf, probably around 2006. Naturally your next question is why? If you’re gonna have all these crazy “rules” then how does an individualistic sport like golf work? In my opinion, as long as when asked “why do you like _____?” you have a well-thought out answer. For me, when it came to Tiger, he was smooth. Of course he won and was better than everyone else, but if asked that question I would have probably said something like, “his swing is aesthetically pleasing to watch, drama and excitement follow him wherever he goes, he’s humble, great with the media, from the U.S., and is well on his way towards the Golden Bear’s record.”

Now everyone and their mother knows that Tiger’s in a bit of a different situation these days. That 2009 November night changed people’s perceptions of Tiger, his golf game, and possibly his chances of reaching Jack’s record. However I still am a fan of Tiger. I have no problem with people hopping off the train because of character/moral values, but to me Tiger is still all that is golf. I have his best interests in mind and pull for a Woods victory in all Majors and rare non-Major tournaments he’s in. I even put him my fantasy lineup more than I should (yes fantasy golf is just as fun as baseball or football).

Rory McIlroy is a different story. Rory is a 22-year-old Northern Irishman that has rubbed me the wrong way since he began his rise in 2009. Why? He seemed cocky and arrogant when he first began playing. He was anointed the next upcoming star before he took a shot. He’s had Tiger comparisons after a few good outings. He’s from Europe. He has weird hair. He struts and walks like there are mini trampolines on his shoes. And he’s 22 while I’m 19, I’m straight up jealous of his skills and place in life compared to mine when we’re 3 years off, that’s right I’m not ashamed to admit it. Now you don’t have to agree with those opinions or even respect them. But know I cheer against Rory in order to cheer for Tiger. Rory winning one Major makes me worried that it’s one closer to Tiger. I’m not stupid, I know McIlroy has potential and is a great golfer.

So herein lies the problem, here is why the Rules of Fandom have resurfaced again. When in doubt, I root for history. I want to see history unfold in front of my eyes. I want to see Roy Halladay throw a perfect game in the playoffs. I want to see the historic Lakers vs Celtics matchup. I want to see Federer set the all-time record. I want to see Tiger break Nicholas’s record. And tomorrow, I want to see Rory put up a massive red number. I want to remember watching a near flawless tournament from beginning to end on one of the toughest stages. And I want to see Rory’s record breaking rounds in 10 years on a Sportscenter flashback.

The truth is Rory isn’t so bad after all. The cockiness has slowed although not vanished; it’s just about earned now anyways. The hair/strut have become his trademarks. And the future of golf remarks are beginning to look pretty accurate. I still wont cheer for Rory, there’s only room in my heart for Tiger. But unfortunately Tiger’s not playing this U.S. Open. So maybe I can make an exception for history.

So happy Father’s Day to any fathers out there. I hope you have a good one. Maybe Rory can make it one you’ll remember.

10 Reasons the Cup Is Close - Blues Edition

The 2010-2011 NHL season is officially over. Congratulations to the Bruins and their stuck up, spoiled Boston fans for winning yet another championship. It’s good to see guys like Timmy Thomas, Mark Recchi, and Zdeno Chara get their first rings. But as usual I couldn’t help but think about the Blues, their failure to reach the playoffs this year, and how I wish I was seeing a normal sized David Backes hoisting the Cup rather than Big Z Chara.

So naturally I began to wonder if the Blues have what it takes to get to the Cup (in the next 5 years-ish). It didn’t take me long to decide that the answer was a definite yes, and here’s why (in no particular order):

1.) Doug Armstrong – Blues GM

This past season was Dougie’s first year as Blues GM, and did he ever have the big shoes of Larry Pleau to fill. Pleau was the longest tenured and possibly most successful GM in Blues history from 1997-2010, posting a 260-153-63-16 record in the six year span between 1997-2003. Larry was involved in acquiring players such as Keith Tkachuk, Brad Boyes, Doug Weight, Scott Mellanby, Dallas Drake and Andy McDonald. If you’re keeping track, that’s two Hall of Famers, one assistant coach, one obnoxious backstabber, one net-missing Sabre, and one future Cup winner (fingers crossed). However Mr. Armstrong sees that list and raises it one Chris Stewart and Kevin Shattenkirk. There is no doubt he has the leadership, commitment, and straight up guts to lead this team. There’s no one that fits better with this team or I’d rather have runnin the ship. Doug’s cooler than the other side of the pillow and will make sure the Blues have the parts and pieces to make a Cup within reach.

2.) John Davidson – President of Hockey Operations

If you have actually followed the Blues since at least 2005-2006 then you know that they went from miserably bad to promising/contending within very little time. You can thank John Davidson for that. He helped St. Louis out of the dumps rather than let them rot for a few years. Personally, I’m thankful that he just signed a multi-year extension. Now the perfect combo of Armstrong-Davidson is set for years to come. You can also thank these guys for the fan friendliness of the Blues organization. They’re truly classy and know what they’re doing in every aspect of the business, and if the Blues are gonna win a Cup, they’re going to lead them there.