Top Fantasy Flops

A picture of Nyjer Morgan getting clotheslined? Yes please.

When you need ideas for post topics, you think of what you know and are good at. After assuming no one wants to read about the St. Louis Blues, I decided that whining about poor fantasy baseball performances was something I'm supremely talented in, and everyone could relate to. So break out the tissues and have a good cry, or take pleasure in others misfortune. Here are your top fantasy baseball flops of 2012 thus far:

Friday Fisticuffs: St. Louis Cardinals Edition

lilithnews.com

Welcome to the first of hopefully many Fisticuff Fridays! Each Friday Mark and I will face off in some sort of contest that divides readers at greater than Democrat vs. Republican levels. This week we play "closest to the pin," predicting what some of the Cardinals stat lines will look like at the end of the year. We may or may not have also predicted Mr. Pujols end of the year results. Cause they're hilarious ... -ly bad ... for him. I miss you Albert. 

Ratemyteammates.com

A few years ago, back in my college days, I overheard some fellow freshman muttering in the cafeteria about the professor of their physics class. After a few choice words were said about the aforementioned professor's teaching techniques, one my peers stated defiantly, "Let's take him down on rate my professors dot com!"

I had heard rumblings of such a site but never really felt the need to use it. My professors were either pretty chill, pretty funny, or just so mediocre I had no need to rate them one way or the other. But a few weeks ago, after listening to a discussion on some sporting radio program about team chemistry, a thought struck me.

What if there was a website where athletes could post anonymously about their teammates, rating them on a scale and discussing them and how they performed as a teammate, not only considering their athletic skills but their overall effects on the team's physical, mental, and emotional state?

Outfield Chatter

angelsarms.org

Attending sporting events is quickly becoming a thing of the past. Why leave your big screen HD TV to pay $15 or more for a ticket and equally as much for food? You can cozy up on your couch, watch the game, eat pizza, and stare at your fantasy team as it goes 0-24 on your laptop. 


Well last night I was reminded just how great attending a baseball game can be. Sometimes I'm hesitant to pay for the trouble of attending Cardinal games. After all, baseball can be a mixed bag of excitement, or lets be honest, plain boredom at times. Its tempting for me to stay home and yell at Jason Heyward for going 0-4 ... again. I don't have that temptation during hockey season. To me, hockey is all action all the time (besides those pesky 17 minute intermissions). When you attend a hockey game, you're so caught up in the gameplay, sometimes you forget that you actually came with friends. Baseball on the other hand is basically a social gathering. Talking with people can be most of the fun; oh and baseball is being played in the background. 


Tuesday night sitting in the outfield bleacher seats at Busch Stadium proved to be great not only cause of a 4-0 victory, but because of some great conversations. They eventually led to many questions, most of which you've probably asked yourself before, but they still need answers.

For the Love of Castro!



I found the semi-recent Ozzie Guillen/Fidel Castro storyline quite laughable. Some pundits said the MLB's suspension may have violated Ozzie Guillen's First Amendment rights. Others sports' experts thought he wasn't punished harshly enough. Personally, my thoughts gravitated towards Guillen's complete (and in my opinion humorous) obliviousness towards his situation.

He didn't realize he was managing in a city with a huge population of Cuban immigrants, who generally hate Castro? That his words would be published and dissected by every sports writer, broadcaster, and talk show host in the country? That using the words 'love' and any dictator's name in the same sentence is generally frowned upon in "Amuricah"?

Eventually, I began to wonder at what point in his verbal quagmire would Guillen have avoided suspension? If he had said he loved apple pie? Chevrolet? Baseball? Then I just thought of stuff that Ozzie should have replaced Castro with within the sentence "I love Castro". Then my mind further wandered to things that would have gotten ole Ozzie in to further trouble.

Rapid Fire: 5 Easy Bullets of Yesterday's Happenings

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/

Sleep through yesterday? That's weird. Here's what you missed:

• Devil's beat the Rangers 4-1 thanks to Zach Parise's 2 goal and an assist performance. The soon to be UFA helped tie the series 2-2. 
• Rupp was rude. 
• Pete DeBoer isn't the media. Meaning, John Tortorella said more than one word to him when things got nasty between benches.
• Pete DeBoer looks like Kevin Spacey in Se7en. 
• The Thunder eliminated the Lakers in 5, despite 42 pts from Kobe.
• Kobe's running out of time to catch Michael. 
• Russell Westbrook did this. Cool bro. 
• My friends and I are of the opinion Russell Westbrook looks like a frog.
• The Celtic's beat the 76ers 101-85, and are up 3-2 in the series. 
• Think they have a shot to beat the Heat (assuming they advance)? 
• Someone lit a fire under Brandon's Bass. He had a team high 27 pts.
• Rondo had 14 assists, he's a crazy good passer. 
• Kevin Garnett looks (and acts) like Venom to me.  

• Stan Van Gundy was finally fired. Magic GM Otis Smith got the axe as well.
• Coaching Dwight Howard and the Magic these past years must have felt like purgatory for Stan. I imagine he's not too upset to be gone. 
• I know nothing about Otis Smith, except for that I heard a halftime interview with him once. He's pretty charismatic, and wears cool glasses. I can only assume they're from Malaysia. 
• I had to google Stan Van Gundy look-a-likes. This is what I got. Don't judge me. 
• The Dodgers and Red Sox have each won 8 of their last 10. 
• Yet the Dodgers are first in their division, while the Red Sox are tied for last in theirs. 
• The Dodgers look like a playoff contender. They do have arguably the best pitcher, and hitter in the game. 
•  The Red Sox look like they're paying $173 million for a lot of disappointment. Again. 

Your Guide to ESPN Personalities

yardbarker.com

Summer is here, yo. I don’t know how many people who read this are actually employed, be it a full-time job or a few hours/week just to make mom and pop happy; but if you’re like me, summer equals unceasing unproductiveness. (Not to suggest I’m an assembly line of productivity during the school year). A few things usually occur during this elongated period of procrastination: I tempt the carpal tunnel gods with extensive nhl/fifa play, consume enough Qdoba to fund the national chain, and watch a heck of a lot of ESPN.

Naturally, watching ESPN so much you begin to gravitate towards certain personalities and look forward to particular analysts. (If you’re a hockey fan waiting for Barry Melrose, this is probably you more often than not). 

However with the good comes the bad. Before you begin your ESPN summer binge, here’s your guide of ESPN personalities to avoid: